Young, Wild, and Hungry


I once lived for two weeks in a tiny Ford Festiva.
Everything in my life had gone bad: no job, no home, no money. I still had my car, and at that young age I was not worried. But, when my food ran out I did get a little wild.
I went into a bar called, The Old Town Tavern. I sat next to a very large, round woman. She had more rolls than a bakery. She was chugging beers, and doing shots of tequila. She invited me to her apartment. I looked at her and thought, “there has to be a lot of food there.”

While I was looking in her loaded refrigerator, she had gone into the bathroom. I was shocked when I walked into her room. I think she had taken some drugs and she’d put on a small black teddy.
She said “I’m messed up and I want to fool around.”

I was younger then, I was hungry, and, unbelievably, I had a boner. I climbed on top of her and gave it my best for about 2 minutes.
As I was getting up and off, she asked me, “is it in yet?”

I said “I’m not sure.”

Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed two bagels and a box of Velveeta, and ran out the door.

Oh to be young again!


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