Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

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When my younger brother K____ returned from his trip to the beach, after his high school graduation, I had to ask him, “Did you get any booty?”
Like all young men his age, he was waiting for a connection with the opposite sex, and it hadn’t happened yet.
“Well, kind of,” he said.
“What do you mean ‘kind of’?” I asked him.
He said, “Well, I was standing in the water up to my knees and this girl came by me. A small wave went by, and she seemed to fall towards me and grabbed my arm with one hand, and her other hand went down my shorts and grabbed my dick!”
I said, “What?!? You’re telling me she was falling and grabbed your snorkel?! No way.”
He said, “Yeah, and I could smell beer on her breath.”
I asked, “Did you talk to her?”
He said that she let go then turned and walked to a group of girls who were laughing hysterically. I said, “Look, first, she was probably inebriated which is the best condition to have a woman in. Second, without any introduction, she grabbed your honker, which meant she was in some sort of super horny state. Third, in order to carry out such a deed, she had to think you were attractive. You may have missed the opportunity of a lifetime–you might have had an affair with this shvonns grabber.”

In those days I considered myself an expert on the subject of women,
even though at nineteen I was a virgin and rarely dated.

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