Nine Sharp


Coach Strudel said,
“Gather round, men, and, listen up. If I hear that any player is at the Fair tonight: automatic one game suspension.”

We knew that Strudel was going to yell at us again, and, when he yelled, spit flew in all directions. We kept our helmets on, and that blocked some of the spittle.

“Go home, have a good meal, in bed by nine sharp. Be ready for the game tomorrow,” he said.

My quarterback said that we would meet in front of the Hoochie-Coochie tent at the Great Frederick Fair, nine sharp. At the fair you could see farmers with arms missing, two-headed cows, and, at the Hoochie-Coochie tent, beautiful naked women.

There were ten players from my football team at the entrance. Having chugged beers and a little recreational smoke, we were ready for the show. It is amazing what peer pressure will make a kid do. We filed into the tent. We huddled behind a tall fence meant to keep your hands off the ladies. We waited, and then Moley, our fullback, let out a tremendous fart. Moley was always doing this, so the laughter was minimal.
Then the stage lights went up, and a huge round woman swayed her hips to the beat of some Elvis tune. She dropped her red kimono. She was massive. What a show!
Moley yelled, “She has more rolls than a bakery!”
We laughed and saw some things I will never forget.

The next day we got beat 32 to 0. I think the Fair affected us emotionally.
After the crushing defeat, we went back to the Fair.


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