Oh, The Holidays, That Explains It


Trouble at work? Yes.
Trouble at home? Yes.
Hemorrhoid flare-up? Yes.

Is it the holidays? Yeah, that explains it.

I’ve been through this before. It will climax on Christmas Day. I may run naked through the neighborhood. I might try and kiss one of my coworkers.

Bipolar disorder? Yes.
No respect for authority? Yes.
Crazy as shit this time of year? Bingo.

I have learned to say to myself, “Don’t worry, what’s the worst thing that can happen?”
Well, one year I woke up naked in a padded room in the loony bin. A nurse came in and I asked her, “Could I please have something to eat and my underwear?”
I found out that I had quit my job, smacked my landlord, and set my cat loose. That was when I was thirty.
As you get older, you don’t want trouble anymore. If I do quit my job, I will have another job lined up first. If I do kiss this woman at work, nobody will see it. If I end up in the loony bin again, I will get out quick–I have no health insurance.

Happy Holidays everybody.


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