Some people are born to greatness.
When I was born, the doctor looked at my rear end and exclaimed, “Oh, twins!”
I was born with dimples in my cheeks. This is where the angels kissed me.
I have a large head, and lucked out when I found a barber who charges the same price for all sizes.
My real body, which is beneath seventy pounds of ugly fat, looks like a Greek god.
When I lie on my back I look much thinner,
but I look my best when I am standing on my head.
This position is also good for my mental health.
I quickly go unconscious, and I think clearly when I am sleeping.