Aspiring to Bond

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Life is not fair. My body needs 3000 calories a day to feel satisfied.
My extra blubber has held me back from doing a lot of exciting things in life.

I should have been more like James Bond. Beautiful women dying to be with me.
I’d drink martinis, shaken not stirred. My lovemaking incredibly passionate.
My gun ready to fire. A license to kill.

In real life I have shot a Super Soaker squirt gun.
I’m going to call my old girlfriend and tell her, it’s Bond, James Bond.
If I can get three martinis into her we could have a passionate evening.

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