Rodney Dangerfield said that his wife liked to talk to him when she made love–
she would call him from her hotel.
When asked why he took his wife with him wherever he went, he replied,
“She is too ugly to kiss goodbye.”
He said he was lonely as a child.
His parents tied a bone around his neck to get the dog to play with him.
His uncle never loved him–his dying words were, “Sit in my lap”–he was in the electric chair.
His doctor told him, “Right away, I need a stool sample, a sperm sample, and a urine sample.”
Rodney said he gave him his underwear and got out of there.
Rodney, you’re my hero.