River rafting!


I’m not a dare-devil, but when Tony asked me if I wanted to go down the Youghiogheny river on a big raft, I said yes. I knew that his beautiful sister was going. When we all got wasted, my plan was to somehow get into her sleeping bag and maybe cuddle.

First we had to go down this rapid rushing river. The guide gave us instructions. If we fall out of the raft keep your legs up so they don’t smash on a rock. We went over a waterfall, and I shot out of the raft and immediately hit my ankle on a rock, which took my sneaker off my foot. They had one chance to get me back on, but they couldn’t pull me in–I was too fat. I hit a couple more rocks, gulped some water and started to drown.

A woman in a kayak came to my rescue. She let me float and hold on to her boat and got me to the river’s edge. Tony saw me lying on my back and asked if I needed anything. I asked him if his sister could give me mouth to mouth resuscitation.


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