My Old Girl

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For years I carried a condom in my wallet. Then, when I finally needed it, I opened it up, and it looked like a bunch of shredded rubber bands.
I met this woman. We dated, and she was always asking me for money. Twice I caught her going into my wallet. She was cold-hearted and never wanted sex.
That’s when it occurred to me:
this woman was just like my old condom–always in my wallet, never on my wiener.

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