When I played in the sand box the cat kept covering me up.
My parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My wife was afraid of the dark, then she saw me naked. Now she is afraid of the light.
My wife likes to talk when she has sex. She call’s me from her hotel.
My old girlfriend was so fat her car had stretch marks.
I’m so ugly, I looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.
My uncle never loved me. His dying words, “please sit on my lap.” He was in the electric chair.
I woke up with a craving for nuts, so I spent the day with my wife and her mother.
I gave up golf– I couldn’t see my balls.