Love and Change

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I loved Candice as I love all good-looking women.  She told me she was leaving to head a new clinic on Forty. I told her I wanted to go there.  I couldn’t  take it that she was leaving, and, it was much closer to my house.  The Grand Opening party was interesting–Candice, who had shown no real interest in me before, gave me a tremendous hug in front of some local dignitaries.  She knew she was not going to see me again.  The new clinic doesn’t take my insurance.

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Hold Me Tight

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She put a latex glove on my hand.  Her name is Suebee.  She is from Nepal.  When she pulls the one inch needle from my bicep she covers the hole with gauze.  She tapes it, then I put my finger on it so it can clot.  She walks away.

The blood streams out from under my finger. Suebee I’m bleeding, I yell.  By the time she comes back a puddle is forming under my arm.  More gauze, more pressing.  She smells like Lilies of the Valley. When I stand up I tell her, if it looks like I’m going to fall please wrap your arms around me tightly.  She says, shut up Stephen.

The Moments To Come

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Life is just a bunch of moments.  What if I kicked the bucket tomorrow?

Billions before me have already kicked it.  Nobody really knows where you are going. This mystery is very scary.  I will keep going, I will carry on.  Enjoying life whenever possible.

I have goals: I want to make whoopie with a woman at least one more time.  I want to get a kidney transplant and get my energy back.  I want to fall in love.  If I can achieve all three goals I expect many more happy moments.

If I Only had a kidney

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When a mans an empty kettle

He should be on his mettle

and yet I’m torn apart.

Just because I’m presumin

That I could be human

If I only had a kidney.

I’d be tender I’d be gentle

and awful sentimental

regarding love and art.

I’d be friends with the sparrows

and the boy who shoots the arrows,

If I only had a kidney.

Just to register emotion, jealousy, devotion

and really feel the part

I could stay young and chipper

and I’d lock it with a zipper

If I only had a kidney

Don’t Take My Joy

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I follow a very restrictive kidney diet–for about two days.  That’s about how long I have ever lasted on a diet.  When I get really hungry you might find me in line at Subway ordering double meat, double cheese on a foot long roll.  All the vegetables, mayo and red pepper relish.

I eat this heavy meal very quickly.  I enjoy this short time period.  Call me a pig–I don’t care.  Do not take the joy out of my life.  I will fight back.

Enjoy Life

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Tales from Dialysis, part 3

I noticed his color was bad. White as a ghost. They lifted him out of his wheelchair. They placed him in the chair next to me. I stopped looking. I could hear him talking. They had trouble getting his needles in. Ten minutes later his machine alarmed. The technician yelled for the nurse. Looking at him, then looking at his machine numbers, she yelled for the head nurse. That’s when I looked again. He looked dead. They tried to revive him for fifteen minutes. Then the rescue crew tried for another fifteen minutes. You can die that fast. Enjoy life.

Surviving Life

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The needles are turning my once perfect arm into a freakish, deformed, bumpy scar.  The constant increased blood flow to that part of my body is hurting blood flow to my brain and other important organs.  After a treatment my thinking is fuzzy.  Then a puff of the medicinal and I don’t care anymore until morning.