My Mother In Spring

Standard

My mother grew up in New York City never learning how to drive a car before she left.  When she moved to Frederick, MD for college, she fell in love with the country life.  She loved gardening and flowers.  Her gardens were quite unorganized and messy compared with my father’s orderly rows of onions and cantaloupe.

When the daffodils came in, she would send my niece off with scissors and a grocery bag to gather them from the neighbor’s lane.  I remember walking in the kitchen and the table covered with mounds of daffodils.  My mother would put vases of these flowers all over the house.  She was as reliable as crocuses in the spring.

Spread Cheer

Standard

Elevator! Elevator! We got the shaft!  The cheerleaders are doing a bang up job tonight.  My prom date is co-captain. Her blond hair bobs into the air as she drops down to do a split.  Her bouncing skirt revealing for a split second something that I would never get.  My life is like that. You can’t always get what you want. I couldn’t get what I really needed.

Here a Nip, There a Tuck

Standard

Since I am always in the doghouse with my girlfriend, I would like to find a plastic surgeon to marry.  A nip here, a tuck there, I could look twenty years younger. Then a kidney transplant, and replace other organs that  have taken a beating. I’ll be good as new and ready for sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

It’s Good For Him

Standard

I google things every day.  My dog spends a lot of time licking his privates.  Over an hour every day although I’ve not timed him.  I google this to find out how to stop him.  But, he has been doing this his entire lifetime and is now a senior. He keeps a good attitude. Always healthy and happy.

Looking Back

Standard

I looked back through my blog posts from several years ago and realized a few things:

  1. “But I can’t complain” is not something I’ve ever said.  I complain a lot.  I am the Complainer-in-Chief.
  2. I used to eat a lot more fast food than I do now.
  3. I still smoke marijuana, but now I might qualify for a legal prescription.

 

Tuesdays are for Louie

Standard

Louie was my mother’s dog.  When she died, Louie became my father’s dog.  When Bob, my dad, went into assisted living, Louie became my dog.  Every Tuesday I take Louie to see my dad.  I also might take a couple chocolate éclairs.

You just have to enjoy life.  My dad doesn’t say much.  He can still devour an éclair very quickly.