Enjoy the Small Things


People on dialysis can have what experts call “fuzzy thinking.”  I had this before dialysis so it doesn’t bother me.

I’ve learned to enjoy the small things in life.  Small bites of pizza, small shots of booze, and small breasts.  You never know what life is going to throw at you.  I think my girlfriend would like to throw bricks.  Fortunately my head can break brick and there would only be a small wound.  My aches and pains are rapidly trying to turn me into a old man. Thank goodness I retain the mind of a sixteen-year-old. That I hope never changes.


Ripe Melons


With lots of exercise, sunshine, and good genes, I’m looking pretty good.
An attractive woman at the grocery store motioned me to come to her.

She was squeezing a melon, which made he chest bulge out, and she said,
“Do you think these are ripe?”

I smiled and said, “Those are the breast melons they have.”
She said, “Did you say breast melons?”
I said, “I meant best melons.”
She said, “Sure you did, honey,” and gave me a very warm smile.

In Search of Happiness


I am past forty, out of shape, and yet I am certain that there is a woman
out there who will make the fireworks go off.
I like blondes, brunettes, red heads, and gray haired women. No bald women please.
I like small butts, medium butts, and large butts. No extra large butts please.
As far as breasts go they can be any size or shape, and more than two is fine.

I’m just not choosy any more. I used to like women who were cute and bubbly.
Now I don’t care.
Intelligent, good. Not so smart, even better. I guess I am getting desperate.

What do I have to offer them?
I am poor, over the hill, and I can be a real jerk.
If I can help them to be happy, though, I’ll find a way.