People on dialysis can have what experts call “fuzzy thinking.” I had this before dialysis so it doesn’t bother me.
I’ve learned to enjoy the small things in life. Small bites of pizza, small shots of booze, and small breasts. You never know what life is going to throw at you. I think my girlfriend would like to throw bricks. Fortunately my head can break brick and there would only be a small wound. My aches and pains are rapidly trying to turn me into a old man. Thank goodness I retain the mind of a sixteen-year-old. That I hope never changes.
Life can be challenging. My doctor told me I have something called GERD. I must stop drinking alcohol. Fried foods and chocolate are a no-no. These were my favorite things in the world next to marijuana. I told this to my girlfriend. I think she blocks out most of what I say–she suggested we go get a drink. I tell myself one bourbon won’t hurt. The fried cheese balls she orders are only inches from my reach. I eat a few. On the way home she breaks off a corner of a Hershey bar and says, “go ahead it’s only a little piece.” Later the burping brings acid from my stomach into my esophagus. The heartburn pain is unbearable. Tums don’t work at all. I have learned my lesson. No more alcohol, chocolate or Fried foods. Most important avoid my girlfriend whenever possible or suffer in pain and agony…
Since I am always in the doghouse with my girlfriend, I would like to find a plastic surgeon to marry. A nip here, a tuck there, I could look twenty years younger. Then a kidney transplant, and replace other organs that have taken a beating. I’ll be good as new and ready for sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
All the nurses at Dialysis love me. I’m sure of it. I am starting to love a couple of them, even with my girlfriend sitting in the lobby. I will survive this kidney thing and then she will kill me. The food she has cooked for me tastes like poison, but so far I am all right. I tell the nurses when I think they look beautiful. It helps to pass the time. They are sticking big needles in my arm, so I try to stay on their good side.
If there was an Olympic event for doing the dishes, I might get a bronze medal. I am a very fast dishwasher. My girlfriend will often rewash the dishes I just washed, but she can not do it as fast.
If there was an Olympic event for saying “I’m sorry,” in an eight hour period, I might get a silver medal. I said it 23 times the other day. I’m sorry I have to say it so often. If there was an Olympic event for fast love making. I would get the gold medal. I finished in less than two minutes last year. That included foreplay. I’m not going to Rio…my games are right at home.
When you get totally angry at someone and in return they get furious with you, yet neither of you go anywhere, that is called being in a relationship. This behavior can occur over and over again, causing high blood pressure, stress, and hemorrhoid flare up.
Why does this childish phenomena occur? Is it just poor communication? A need to be the one who is right? Or just the fact that we somehow need to hurt the one we love. I don’t know but I need to figure this out.