How to Quit


I’ve worked over forty-nine jobs in the Frederick County area.  That’s given me a wide range of work experiences, especially how to quit and how to get fired.  I now command salaries of up to nine dollars an hour.

At my last job, my boss, Jena, a rather attractive woman asked me to please get to work. I winked at her and said, “Jena, there is nothing wrong with getting a little behind.”
That was my last day there.

I have sales experience in jewelry, real estate, fire alarms, frozen steaks, furniture, and marijuana. None of these jobs was lucrative, but selling marijuana helped me to get laid once.

One of my qualities is that I take jobs that require mindless labor and no responsibility, and focus on getting to know my co-workers.  On the clock, I’m a real people person.

My main requirement now is that I work with women. My motto has always been: Work hard, play hard, but don’t play hard to get.  I’ve always appreciated promiscuous female co-workers–without them, I wouldn’t have had nearly as much sex on the job.

I’m currently seeking employment as a Mystery Shopper inside dialysis clinics.  Keeping a close eye on nurses comes naturally to me.

When I look back at my past, I can see that my future has to be better. It can’t be any worse.  It is always darkest just before the light.




I can still lose my temper.
When I raise my voice and make a fuss, the feces,(shit), always hits the oscillator,(fan). When I decide I’m going to lose it, it can scare old women, some small children, cats and dogs and fellow employees. I have ended relationships, lost jobs, woken up in a padded room, and generally messed up my life, with these short scary outbursts.
I know the consequences well, and, with the mean season,(holidays), already started,
I’m going to monitor my behavior.



Thanksgiving dinner and I was talking to my brother’s

son’s wife’s sister. She told she worked at Verizon and I

Immediately asked her if she could get me a job there, I could

take out the garbage or sharpen pencils. I say things like this

after only two drinks that I mix called the “bombs away”.

She turned and stopped our conversation. The typical reaction

I get from most women over the holidays. My wit and keen sense

of humor are not always on target.