Wild Irish Rose


She is Irish, a beauty with red hair.  I say, “You are the prettiest flower in this garden,” as I look around the clinic with 20 more women milling about.

“Thank you, that was nice.”

Last week she told me that she was going through a nasty separation.  I think she might be rich. I have a girlfriend, but I always keep my options open.  I am not the man I once was, but I am as good once as I ever was.


My Only Friend, The End


In April I will turn 60. Hell, I am still waiting for puberty to wrap up. I have loved–it was mostly for animals–humans and dogs.  When I was younger I smelled fresher, but now PU.

If my health insurance gets canceled that’s it.  I am going to take 40 Ambien, sixteen shots of Tequila, eat 1 lb of bad sushi, then eat two whole Dominos large pizzas with extra cheese and four toppings.  If that doesn’t kill me nothing will. I just hope I don’t wake up from that.

Ode to My Brother’s Retirement


Bob, your job is done.

Time to relax, have some fun!


Try to be young, young at heart.

Try to forget: you are an old fart.


The bills will be due.

The tax man is lurking.

No worries–Marybeth is still working


Why work? What’s the point?

If it was me, I would smoke a joint.


Try to relax!

You and wifey can talk…

until she says, Bob please take a long walk.


Don’t get old, heavens above!

Stay the same:

The man we all love.

Having It All


In the sixties all you needed was love.

In 2018 I need love, medicine, money, cell phone, more money, and a weapon.  I have all of these.  True love from Louie, my dog.  Medicine from various healers.  I don’t work anymore but love to spend money.  My love life and my cell phone need a charge.  My weapons are a BB gun, a shovel and a frying pan.

I have it all for now.

Life Goes On, Thank God


Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I go into a room with 32 recliners.  The people in these chairs are missing feet and legs, and some are missing their minds.  Some are old and near death.  You sit, a technician sticks inch long needles in a surgery enhanced vein in your arm.  A machine runs all the blood in your body seven times through a man-made kidney.  After four hours you can go home, dizzy, drained, and thinking fuzzy until the next morning. You have to accept this.  Some people give up and stop treatments.  They will die within weeks.  I thought life would be unbearable.  I am actually happier now than before dialysis.  I enjoy the small things in life more. Sunshine, my dogs’ wagging tails, my girlfriend’s laughter, a couple strong drinks, good music…the list goes on.  Life goes on, thank God.

Fireflies, Fireworks and Sparklers


Our annual Fourth of July football game was under way.  Little kids, senior citizens, even girls were allowed to play. I was going only half-speed as I had already eaten two hotdogs and two hamburgers. Even with this massive load in my stomach I caught a touchdown thrown by my uncle Frank. He could play with a cigarette in his mouth–that takes talent. When he gave the football to his son, little Frankie ran the wrong way and kept going until he was tackled in my neighbor’s yard. The turnout was big this year–nearly a hundred cousins and friends. All together in our front yard. I was proud. We were drinking, sweating and swatting away gnats. At dark the fireflies came out, then fireworks and sparklers.

Happy Fourth of July