My Mother In Spring

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My mother grew up in New York City never learning how to drive a car before she left.  When she moved to Frederick, MD for college, she fell in love with the country life.  She loved gardening and flowers.  Her gardens were quite unorganized and messy compared with my father’s orderly rows of onions and cantaloupe.

When the daffodils came in, she would send my niece off with scissors and a grocery bag to gather them from the neighbor’s lane.  I remember walking in the kitchen and the table covered with mounds of daffodils.  My mother would put vases of these flowers all over the house.  She was as reliable as crocuses in the spring.

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Winter is Coming

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One winter many years ago, I put a noose around my neck and stepped off a chair.
My weight snapped the thin rope almost immediately, but not before the pipe it was tied to pulled out of the ceiling and sprung a leak. Somehow I had scraped my wrist. A bead of blood came out of the scratch, and I put a Band-Aid on it–with antiseptic.
Boy! Did that sting!

As winter approaches, my good mood deteriorates and here I am again thinking, get the rope out.
But, I know from experience– I can’t do it.
I’m chicken, and I can’t afford the plumbing bill.
Spring will return. Carry on.

The Birds and the Bees

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Ah springtime! The birds and the bees.
Love makes the world go round, and love of food made me get round.
Underneath a few inches of fat, the juices are still flowing.
I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was.
I’m going on vacation with an old flame in June, and,
if I play my cards right and get the booze flowing, we may go all the way.

The last time I had sex I was really scared–
I was all by myself in the dark.

In The Spring

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I’m going to break out of my shell this spring.
It’s about time–I’m no spring chicken.

I’m going to travel to an exotic location and talk to a sophisticated woman.
I’m going to stop collapsing in front of the TV at night and go out dancing, and pursue the women of my dreams.
I’m going to get a job, a job that pays at least 50K a year,
and I will be appreciated for the work that I do.
I’m going to be healthy, have a positive attitude, and clean my room and bathroom.
I am going to do all of this, in the spring.

Winter Foul, Spring Chicken

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One winter many years ago, I put a noose around my neck and stepped off a chair.
My weight snapped the thin rope almost immediately, but not before the pipe that it was tied to pulled out of the ceiling and sprung a leak. Somehow I had cut my wrist. When a bead of blood came out of the scratch, I put a Band-Aid on it– with antiseptic. Boy! Did that sting!

I held an unloaded gun to my head for nearly half an hour. My arm got tired.
I learned something during this near-suicidal period.
I don’t have what it takes to knock myself off. This is a good thing.

Spring gets here, and my mood slowly changes. I don’t have to act happy or fake my good mood. It just comes back to me.
So, here I am again, and I’m thinking, get the rope out.
But, I know from experience– I can’t do it.
I’m chicken, and I can’t afford the plumbing bill.
Spring is coming. Spring is near. Carry on.