Dialysis today so I have fuzzy thinking. My pot is called Green Crack–it also causes fuzzy thinking. Last night I cracked and got in line at Wendy’s at 11 pm. Two burgers and large fry then home to bed. Winter is a struggle. My addictions take over. Strangely, I am happy.
My Aussie wakes me at 6 am with a wet lick to my lips. This is a reminder from my love puppy that if I don’t take her out she may pee on the bed. Twenty degrees, out I tread lightly across forty feet of icy ground. I praise the love of my life as she goes, reciting the words “poo-poo, very good girl, poo-poo.” Back into bed with my winter parka still on, snug as a bug in a rug.
The other day it was so cold out I saw a deer wearing long underwear. I saw two squirrels putting their nuts in a microwave. When I stepped outside there was a cute little chipmunk, frozen solid. The wind was howling, and I told my girlfriend, when you go outside, stand next to me because I’m good at breaking wind. She agreed.
It is too cold here. I want to go to Miami.
Santa is coming. I hope he brings me a new car for Christmas. The check engine light has been on in my car for a few years. It is German-made, too complicated to fix, or maybe I’m projecting. My dog, Louie the fourteenth, is my main passenger, which is why my swanky dash is covered with dog hair. We travel country roads every day and when he sees a cow, he barks and licks his lips. When we get to the park he jumps from back seat to front seat eager to get out and walk and have a dooky. If someone is watching I just keep pulling him forward while he is going because I’m not picking it up. What’s one dog turd going to hurt when there is duck poop everywhere? The sun is out, the sky is blue, we are on our walk, it’s a good day.
The cycle of life and death continues all around me. The leaves fall and cover the grass that my father worked so hard for decades to maintain. Everybody who lives in this old house has to deal with the leaves falling down. It’s tempting to leave them there, but then the grass will die, and by March, the yard will be a brown muddy mess.
Although I don’t like the fall and winter, this year I am looking forward to sharing Thanksgiving with my roommate. We will see how many vegetarian dishes go well with gravy.
One winter many years ago, I put a noose around my neck and stepped off a chair.
My weight snapped the thin rope almost immediately, but not before the pipe it was tied to pulled out of the ceiling and sprung a leak. Somehow I had scraped my wrist. A bead of blood came out of the scratch, and I put a Band-Aid on it–with antiseptic.
Boy! Did that sting!
As winter approaches, my good mood deteriorates and here I am again thinking, get the rope out.
But, I know from experience– I can’t do it.
I’m chicken, and I can’t afford the plumbing bill.
Spring will return. Carry on.
I can feel that summer is fading.
GET READY FOR WINTER TO DO LIST
1. Stock up on anti-depressants.
2. Purchase case of wine.
Merlot, Chablis, Mad Dog 20/20
3. Get out winter clothes.
same as summer clothes + heavy coat
My Paul Bunyan days are over–
5. Enjoy the rest of summer.