Back to the Rocky Mountain Way


Vance G was a crazy character.  On the way back from away football games he would lead the team in singing, “spent the last year Rocky Mountain way,” then the team sang “ba na na na,” and then Vance, “couldn’t get much higher.”  The team sang, “ba na na na.”  This bonded us.  He even sang it after a loss, which infuriated our head coach.

Later in life we shared a house.  He was a womanizer which was fine with me.  We had women coming and going.  The sounds emanating from his room became a bit much, so I wore earplugs.  When three of his rent checks bounced, we got into a fist fight.  After that our friendship was never the same.  He died several years back at the age of fifty from a brain infection.  He will not be forgotten by me and not by many women.


How to Quit


I’ve worked over forty-nine jobs in the Frederick County area.  That’s given me a wide range of work experiences, especially how to quit and how to get fired.  I now command salaries of up to nine dollars an hour.

At my last job, my boss, Jena, a rather attractive woman asked me to please get to work. I winked at her and said, “Jena, there is nothing wrong with getting a little behind.”
That was my last day there.

I have sales experience in jewelry, real estate, fire alarms, frozen steaks, furniture, and marijuana. None of these jobs was lucrative, but selling marijuana helped me to get laid once.

One of my qualities is that I take jobs that require mindless labor and no responsibility, and focus on getting to know my co-workers.  On the clock, I’m a real people person.

My main requirement now is that I work with women. My motto has always been: Work hard, play hard, but don’t play hard to get.  I’ve always appreciated promiscuous female co-workers–without them, I wouldn’t have had nearly as much sex on the job.

I’m currently seeking employment as a Mystery Shopper inside dialysis clinics.  Keeping a close eye on nurses comes naturally to me.

When I look back at my past, I can see that my future has to be better. It can’t be any worse.  It is always darkest just before the light.

At Least There Are Nurses


Dialysis changes you both physically and mentally.  The vein in my left bicep has been altered to carry large amounts of blood. This is my access, or fistula. Before the nurses stick needles in my arm, I like to ask them if they think my fistula makes my muscle look bigger.  The nursing staff at dialysis, mostly young women, have helped me mentally. Sometimes instead of reading or watching TV, I just stare at the nurses.  I always tell them when I am leaving that it was nice looking at you.



A priest says to the rabbi, “You don’t eat bacon?”
The rabbi says, “No, it’s against my religion.”

The rabbi says to the priest, “You don’t make love to women?”
The priest says, “No, that is against my religion.”

The rabbi says, “You should try it– it’s better than bacon.”

Bucket list


1 Star in x rated movie
2 Sail to Tahiti with all girl crew
3 Have relationship with hippopotamus
4 Write blog that changes mankind
5 Go to nudist camp with underwear on
6 Get e-mail from Jesus
7 Ask Bill Gates to lend me 1 million dollars
8 Fall hopelessly in love with myself

Not my glory days


Hugging and talking to my dog isn’t cutting it anymore. I have to get out there and meet some human beings. I would like to meet someone with similar interests. Eating and breathing are my big interests–I don’t drink much anymore. O ccasionally I will have a vodka and Metamucil. I would like to meet someone who enjoys peace and quiet. I might hang out at the library.

Get Control


So life has thrown me a few curve balls. A death in the family, a move to a new home, and then I got fired. A lot of change, and problems in my life that I thought I had turned around. Marijuana is part of the my problem, my determination to live life as I want is a part of my problem. The fact that I never met my soul mate, and raised a family is also a factor. With a positive, stoned attitude I will carry on. To old friends, and classmates who have passed on to the next world, I salute you with this buzz, and wish you could be here to join me. I’m almost ready to grow old, and grow up, but not yet . My birthday is tomorrow. I’m going to enjoy it, and then live the rest of my life, the joking life, and try to do the best that I can. Wish you luck! Stephen.