Tricks and Treats


On Halloween we would pile into the back of a red Chevy truck and be driven around the neighborhood. Trick or treat, give us something good to eat.  We knew which house gave candy bars and who gave apples.  Often, we would throw the apples back at the house they came from. One year my mom wrapped my head with toilet paper and tape. I was proud to be the mummy until the rain turned my head into a soggy mess. At the end of the night I consumed mass amounts of chocolate.  Snickers was always my favorite.


The Hand You’re Dealt


I have never been too thin.

I have never been too rich.

I have been so poor, life was a total bitch.

I’m a man who never found my niche.

You deal with the life you’re dealt, ’cause you sure can’t switch.

Louie and Daisy


I used to have to keep a close eye on my dog, Louie.  Whenever he got out without his leash on, he’d run out of sight and wouldn’t come back.  I’d have to grab some treats and drive after him, and there’s something I hate about driving at a crawl down the street yelling “Louuuuuuie” over and over.

Then my new roommate moved in with her dog Daisy. Since Daisy moved in, I don’t have to worry about Louie straying too far from home anymore.  He stays right by her side.

It’s good to know that the roommate situation has worked out for the both of us.

He Scores!


Oh no, Coach Larry is looking at me again, and he’s yelling:
“Get the damn ball to Mike!”

Coach Larry knew his basketball, and I was his starting point guard for the Saint John’s Saints, 6th grade team. We beat every 6th grade team in Frederick County.

I was four-foot-five, quite round and could dribble, pass, and shoot.
My overgrown teammate Rob “The Pistol” Schantz was six-foot-three, fast and talented. We beat Waverly 66 to 12. I had nine points and “The Pistol” had fifty-seven.
I made one shot from the corner after my shorts had fallen to my ankles. The three fans, one of whom was my father, were amazed.

The year-end banquet was well attended that year.  Coach Larry announced that the Unsung Hero Award went to the player who could dribble with his belly and score with his pants down, Stephen Lebherz.

The crowd cheered as I proudly accepted my award.