Crisis Mode

When life hits me with a lot of problems all at once, I go into crisis mode. I might eat some vegetables for two or three meals straight. I might even eat a yogurt for my digestion. I will really put a lot of thought into exercising. I might make my bed, and figure out why my room smells. Then give my dog a bath.
When times get tough I really tighten up. Sleep is crucial in times of problem solving, so I’m not going to eat anything before bedtime like an Italian Sub.

Brain pain

I have a pain in my brain. I don’t think it’s from overwork, probably the opposite. Long periods with little brain activity. I was was never one to calculate very often. Deep thinking has always been beyond my grasp. This going through life in a non-thinking way has some how worked for me. I will never figure it out.

virgin again

Spring is here. I can’t remember the last time I was with somebody, so I feel almost like a virgin again. I do know that if it ever happens, it might feel like the first time again. My mind does regress this time of year and I am capable of acting like a teenager in love. At my age this can be hard on you. Usually by the end of summer I might start acting my age again.

You can’t go home again

Moving is so far an awful experience. I wrapped a couple things in newspaper, and then I lost them. I have accumulated so much junk. When I was younger and moved everything fit in my car. I have to work on the small stuff so the mover can get to the big stuff. My life will never be the same. That might be a good thing.

I have sinned

Bless me Father for I have sinned. I was looking at girls, and having bad thoughts. I hit Sister Marie in the for head with an eraser. I wrote the answers to the math test on my fingers. I had more sins but decided not to tell them. He said that God would forgive my sins but did not allow cheaters in Heaven. He said to say thirty Our Fathers, and thirty Hail Marys, then go in peace. I quickly lost count, ran out of the church all the way to the cafeteria.

Thanks for the likes

Twenty months ago my niece told me to send her some jokes. Jasmine was going to make me famous on the internet. That started my blog which is approaching 5000 views. This for me has been quite an accomplishment, for a man who at an early age decided to coast through life, a pretty good cook, a stoner, and a wannabe lover. My small blog means a lot to me, it has helped me greatly, and I say thank you for the likes.

I love my car

It would be a total embarrassment if anybody were to look at the inside of my car. They might find a dried up old french fry on the floor by the drivers seat. I have stopped eating that stuff so it could be from days ago. There is dried ketchup on my dash . I used drive and put as many french fries as I could in my mouth. Sometimes fries with ketchup fell out, or shot out. I really only clean my car if I have a date. I had one three months ago. The thing is I love my car. Like myself, I just don’t always take care of it.

It affected me

Our fourth of July picnic in our front yard was attended by over one hundred relatives, and friends. When my grandmother, who had memory problems, walked from her yard to join the party she was wearing some sort of purple fish net shirt with nothing beneath it. Not even a bra. She was eighty-five, and the party was stunned, watching my mother try to cover her, and escort her back to her home. There was lots of alcohol consumed at this party so most people quickly forgot. I can still picture her walking happily into our party ,forty years ago.

Oh hell

A horrible message on my cell this morning. ” Stephen, this is Lulu, can you work for me tomorrow, I hurt my back. “Oh hell , shit, and damn, that women comes up with more excuses not to work. I had my whole day planned. Take a shower, and walk the dog. I was going to sleep in, and go out to lunch. Now I am going to get up at 5:30, drive to town, cook breakfast,lunch,and dinner for the twenty five residents who like to complain. Then come home too tired to clean up the dog dookies my best friend will leave me because he doesn’t like to be alone. Oh hell. shit, and damn.

short jokes

The doctor tells his patient he has some bad news, and some worse news. “What is the bad news”, the man says. The doctor looks grimly at him and says, “I’m sorry but you only have one month to live.  “What is the worse news”?, the man says. The doctor says, ” I was supposed to tell you last month.

Confucious say, Man who go to bed with itchy butt will wake up with stinky fingers.

Three moles are coming up a tunnel, and the first mole says,” I smell bacon”. The second moles says,” I smell eggs”, and the third mole says .” all I smell is Mollasses.