Dinner with my brother and his daughter was at a fine dining establishment. “The crab imperial looks good,” I say. Only the 40 next to it is outrageous. The face I make is one of horror. I am buying tonight so I made light of the lofty prices. I wondered, would my brother order the Surf and Turf at 65 dollars knowing that this was the only payment he might get for past and future debts? He would also be ordering for his daughter who does not like to be bothered with these details. The waitress had put a small loaf of bread with honey butter in front of my niece. Her full attention was riveted on that home baked bread. Always comfortable with these dinner guests, the only one missing was my brother’s wife. We knew she would not want her daughter to have bread and butter. The waitress was of above average looks so I was already calculating 20% of a high sum. She was very good at bringing iced tea. Three refills for my niece so far although I wasn’t counting. Good times were had by all.
She put a latex glove on my hand. Her name is Suebee. She is from Nepal. When she pulls the one inch needle from my bicep she covers the hole with gauze. She tapes it, then I put my finger on it so it can clot. She walks away.
The blood streams out from under my finger. Suebee I’m bleeding, I yell. By the time she comes back a puddle is forming under my arm. More gauze, more pressing. She smells like Lilies of the Valley. When I stand up I tell her, if it looks like I’m going to fall please wrap your arms around me tightly. She says, shut up Stephen.
Life is just a bunch of moments. What if I kicked the bucket tomorrow?
Billions before me have already kicked it. Nobody really knows where you are going. This mystery is very scary. I will keep going, I will carry on. Enjoying life whenever possible.
I have goals: I want to make whoopie with a woman at least one more time. I want to get a kidney transplant and get my energy back. I want to fall in love. If I can achieve all three goals I expect many more happy moments.
We sat on a circle of rocks covered with moss a vivid green. The embers of our fire glowed red hot. High powered medicinal sour diesel OG kush lifted our spirits. A near nirvana moment. We celebrated the new season. Grateful for what we have. Strengthening our souls and minds for whatever comes next.
In my high school we rural kids would go out to a dark country road and get wasted. There was plenty of beer, usually I would have at least a twelve pack. We had weed, we had cocaine. When you couldn’t stand you could go sit in your car. Often a cheerleader, a quarterback or a big defensive tackle was right next to you. We were all bonding. There was a lot of love of living on that road. Soon we would graduate, go our separate ways, not realizing those were our glory days.
To stop time I get on a treadmill at Planet Fitness. What seems like an hour passes just to find out that only five minutes have gone by. At ten minutes I tried to smile at the women next to me. I must have looked like a crazed, heavy-breathing, sweating maniac. She smiled back.
Once a promising young athlete, now I just want to do thirty minutes without rolling back, falling off and laying on the floor. Not in front of this nice lady, not today.
When a mans an empty kettle
He should be on his mettle
and yet I’m torn apart.
Just because I’m presumin
That I could be human
If I only had a kidney.
I’d be tender I’d be gentle
and awful sentimental
regarding love and art.
I’d be friends with the sparrows
and the boy who shoots the arrows,
If I only had a kidney.
Just to register emotion, jealousy, devotion
and really feel the part
I could stay young and chipper
and I’d lock it with a zipper
If I only had a kidney