Best Day of My Life

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This is going to be the best day of my life…..despite kidney dialysis, a new, rather moody female friend, a future that may include a kidney transplant, and moving from my home of fifty years.  I may resume a long dead sex life.  I am not going to live as long as my father, who is ninety seven.  The idea that I have a serious illness is making me live like today is going to be the best day of my life.

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she told the police

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My best friend told the police I beat her. They came to confiscate my guns. I loved her. I took care of her when she fell in the parking lot of the East street coffee shop and broke her wrist.  I told them I had a BB gun.  They left papers which she wrote and signed that I threw her down the stairs.  She left in the Chevy  Cruize I had co-signed a loan on. It took three months , lots of money and a Good Lawyer to rectify the situation.  I loved her.

Untidy Drawers

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My expensive Boscov’s underwear are untidy in my old cherry dresser. They have never been straight.  I haven’t the patience to finish the job–that has always been OK with me.

I’m not the boss though: even in my room, my dogs run things.  Ruby, my Aussie has a bark so loud and shrill I must leave the room if she won’t stop.  Louie the 14th, my Petite Basset Griffon Vendeen can have such a dreadful smell both breath and body that I have to clean and clean.  It’s worth it to have their loving company and they don’t care about well-organized drawers.

Satisfied My Soul

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Girl watching, power eating, and experimentation with herbs have been life-long interests of mine.  If people from the present society (which I think is increasingly getting greedier and selfish) were to review my life, they might say, “what a loser.”  Fortunately I realize I can not change what others think of me.  I must have a good opinion of myself.

Do You Want Me?

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In a good mood, I gave Nurse Mary the thumbs up.  She got a mean look on her face and gave me the finger.  Dewayne in the chair next to me saw this and told me she was signaling that I was number one.  This is the third finger she has given me.  She once told me she was on her third divorce.  That all men are assholes.

I’m still going to keep a positive outlook on this.  I think she may want me.  I lost over two pounds last month and this is going to spur me on to perfect my body.  When she finally succumbs to my charms, she will be impressed.

Love and Change

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I loved Candice as I love all good-looking women.  She told me she was leaving to head a new clinic on Forty. I told her I wanted to go there.  I couldn’t  take it that she was leaving, and, it was much closer to my house.  The Grand Opening party was interesting–Candice, who had shown no real interest in me before, gave me a tremendous hug in front of some local dignitaries.  She knew she was not going to see me again.  The new clinic doesn’t take my insurance.

Heartbreak and Heartburn

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I didn’t think he was listening.  He asked how I lost all the weight.  I told him I had a bad break up with my live-in girlfriend.  I had constant gas pains and heartburn if I ate more than half a sandwich.  I stopped eating at the Burger King just down the hill.  I had conquered the munchies with fruit.  He said, no, I mean what diet were you on.  I told him I was on the get depressed and develop stomach troubles diet.  He said he had lost 30 pounds on Atkins once.  He now looked like a tub of lard.