Me, Grandma, and Butchie

My grandmother’s hair was black and grey.  She often made silly faces.  These faces, combined with her quirky, eccentric behavior, made people laugh.  She often would purse her lips, bulge out her eyes, then suck in her cheeks.  She looked like an old fish.  Then she might chase Butchie, her rotund lover, her dog.  Around the kitchen they would go, with Grandma saying things over and over like, “Where is my ootie bootie boodums, my ootie bootie boodums.”

I was eating my second packet of Pop Tarts, double chocolate with sprinkles.  I was happy.  She had gotten them for me.  I was her rotund baby boy.

Winter Blues Mania

You might yell “eat shit and shut the hell up!” after a year of trying hard to make her care for you when you know she doesn’t like you.  You might be thinking she will have a nasty backlash.

You might walk the dogs, not to the usual closest grass patch to sniff and poop then back in the house, but on the longest walk ever, not wanting to stop an hour later, the dogs yanking you to the back door.

These are two examples of how I and many others suffer from mania in the middle of winter.  When spring comes, this surge of energy can cause your rise or your fall.  Know what it can do and be careful.

Driving with Grandma

Even as a small boy I knew to buckle up when riding with Grandma Ruth.  I liked to ride in the back and her massively fat dog, Butchie, sat up front.  Ruth Weisburger could not see over the dash of her Ford Granada. I often saw her hit the brakes and Butchie’s head would ram into the glove box.  Once when we were dropping off her cook, a black man called Old John–he sat in the back with me–she sideswiped three parked cars.

She gave up her freedom with little fuss after that. What a trooper!  This saved lives, at least Butchie’s life.  I miss her dearly.

Big Breasts, Broken Heart

“She had big breasts!” Shorty exclaimed as he came out of a room at my party.  “It was totally dark in there but I know she had big breasts.”  He held his hand in the air and made a squeezing motion followed by prolonged laughter.  Then Carol came out of the dark room.  She was my girlfriend.  Her shirt was undone.  She did have big breasts.  I looked at the ground.  I suffered a broken heart.

Get the Stick

We heard the back door slam but didn’t stop jumping on the beds.  A few short minutes later we heard a loud commanding voice: “Shut up you jerks.”  Very loud considering it was coming from downstairs in the kitchen.  The frenetic playing did stop when the voice was in the room with us: “Get the stick.”  He said this incredibly loud with a look on his face scarier than a hockey mask.  One of us had to go down on the back porch and grab the notorious stick, which held up a window, and gently hand it to him.  Then back to our frozen-in-place position.  He would hold the stick in the air and threaten us with it. He literally scared the shit out of my little brother once, who showed it to me while it was all still in his underpants.

The liar

My mother was  was  going to die in the hospital. My brothers were there when she pointed at me and said in a scary voice, you are a liar. She said it three times. It creeped me out.  I said I hadn’t lied and I was not a liar.  Then she sat up, threw up, and said I was a big fat liar.  I left the room, she was very worn down and out of her mind.  I never watched a horror movie called The Exorcist again. It had been one of my favorites.

Untidy Drawers

My expensive Boscov’s underwear are untidy in my old cherry dresser. They have never been straight.  I haven’t the patience to finish the job–that has always been OK with me.

I’m not the boss though: even in my room, my dogs run things.  Ruby, my Aussie has a bark so loud and shrill I must leave the room if she won’t stop.  Louie the 14th, my Petite Basset Griffon Vendeen can have such a dreadful smell both breath and body that I have to clean and clean.  It’s worth it to have their loving company and they don’t care about well-organized drawers.

My Sweet Girl

My Aussie wakes me at 6 am with a wet lick to my lips.  This is a reminder from my love puppy that if I don’t take her out she may pee on the bed.  Twenty degrees, out I tread lightly across forty feet of icy ground.  I praise the love of my life as she goes, reciting the words “poo-poo, very good girl, poo-poo.”  Back into bed with my winter parka still on, snug as a bug in a rug.

This Beautiful Life

We sat on a circle of rocks covered with moss a vivid green. The embers of our fire glowed red hot. High powered medicinal sour diesel OG kush lifted our spirits. A near nirvana moment. We celebrated the new season. Grateful for what we have. Strengthening our souls and minds for  whatever comes next.

Dark Country Roads

In my high school we rural kids would go out to a dark country road and get wasted.  There was plenty of beer, usually I would have at least a twelve pack. We had weed, we had cocaine. When you couldn’t stand you could go sit in your car. Often a cheerleader, a quarterback or a big defensive tackle was right next to you. We were all bonding. There was a lot of love of living on that road.  Soon we would graduate, go our separate ways, not realizing those were our glory days.