I would like to come around once in a while. I would do things that would make you smile. Think of me.
I’m a little heavy, I don’t have a big staff. When the chips are down, I can make you laugh. Think of me.
I may tell some jokes, I’ll make funny faces. When it comes to having fun, I cover all the bases. Think of me.
I can be peaceful as a dove, I can dance, and sing. If I think you are for me, I have a big diamond ring. Think of me.
You can live life scared as hell that something awful is going to happen. Maybe for example, a heart attack, and stroke that leaves you only the ability to blink one eyelid. These fears can be all consuming, especially knowing all the awful things that already happened in my past. Being scared is no way to live. Have courage, face your fears, fight your problems head on. Enjoy the fight, and remember everything can change at the blink of an eyelid
I blame it on the rain, I blame it on the snow.
I blame it on the cold, I am feeling very old.
It’s time to hit the bowl, medicine for my soul.
I’m feeling jolly, goodbye melancholy.
Turn up the music, I’m coming out of my rut,
the whole world can kiss my butt.
In the first grade I was obsessed with my classmate, Patty Hiney. She had dimples, and curly blond hair. She sat in front of me in class, I liked to look at the back of her head. She said I was funny, and one time gave me half of her sandwich. I was smitten. In the fourth grade it was Ingrid. She had red hair and many freckles. This was a more serious love. My shyness and low self image kept me from revealing my love for her. I never really spoke to her. I did once hit her in the face with a chalk board eraser from all the way across the room. The list of girls and woman through out my life that I wanted is much longer than the list of women I actually got to know intimately. I hope to turn this around in the future
My father has gone into an assisted living home. I have to move out of the house I was born in–
A middle-aged man being thrust back into the world.
I am thinking, what is important to me? It is important that I do what’s right for my father. It is important that I continue to get high on high-grade marijuana. It is important that my dog is spoiled in a manner that he is used to since I took over his supervision. Entering a new phase of my life, I will remember these words: The only thing to fear is fear itself.
My next residence will be in the house next door. Good luck on your journey, Stephen, and Bon Voyage.
It is a great old ball game. I cheat. I go by my own rules sometimes. In the game of life everybody tries to get what they want. If you are married you have to do what your wife wants and still try to get what you want. I’m single and in this great old ball game through one trick or another I have done what I wanted. Freedom of choice.
In three months it will be summer. I can’t wait. Summer is the only time people tell me I look hot. Shorts and flip flops, gin and tonics. The sun bright and hot, tanning you, and soothing to my soul. It has been cold for too long, and right now it is snowing. I can see you coming summer, I love you.
I’m lying on my bed again, looking into my laptop, my dog is lying behind me with his rear end pressed into my side. We both do our best thinking in a totally relaxed position. I am stoned, and Louie probably is too from second hand smoke. If I don’t write anything eventually I’ll get up and get something to eat. I might eat some peanut butter on a banana, Louie might get a wow-wow chewy snack or maybe a piece of cake. I have been doing this most evenings since November. I’m worried that I may not make it through to spring without blowing a gasket, or losing my marbles.
When I played in the sand box the cat kept covering me up.
My parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My wife was afraid of the dark, then she saw me naked. Now she is afraid of the light.
My wife likes to talk when she has sex. She call’s me from her hotel.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
My father’s driving skills have been declining. I took a ride with him–he didn’t use his blinkers.
He pulled in front of a big truck, which came within four inches of hitting us.
I said, “Dad, what the hell was that?”
He said, “He would’ve hit on your side.”
I knew he disliked me, but I had no idea how bad his driving was. At ninety-three I think he’s forgotten what a stop sign is. If we had one more near accident, I was going to shit my pants.
His driving was horrible, and he was trying to kill me. Then, two weeks later, he decided to completely stop driving. Another loss, another sad end.
Silver Lining: he asked if I wanted his 2009 Honda Accord with only 21,000 miles.
It is jet black. A chick magnet.
The Joking Life 